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Every morning I hold my breath and wonder if its worth getting up. The energy to pull the covers off of me feels like running a marathon. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress disorder 4 years ago and have been fighting to stay alive, stay safe and stay out of the hospital ever since. I had to drop out of college at the college of my dreams (Emerson College) because the idea of going to class and facing my rapist was too much. When I did, by miracle, get out of bed I would shake all the way through the lecture and often spend the better half of the lesson crying in the bathroom. Once I dropped out of college I went home and began a life stuck inside. I would be scared of leaving the house, and most of the times I got the courage to leave I would Dissociate. Dissociating is when a persons brain and mind shut off and run on autopilot. The mind does this because an individuals anxiety is so bad that it can't be present.
Living with constant dissociation, fear and nightmares made it impossible for me to live normally or happy. Since leaving college and being neck deep in my PTSD I have had several hospitalizations, one that lasted 3.5 months. I see my therapist twice a week, go to a weekly survivors support group and visit my psychiatrist every other week. Medications have become helpful for managing my panic attacks but they are no cure. I am desperately looking for something to allow me to go back to being happy, confident and passionate about my future. I know nothing will erase what happened to me, but finding something to give me back a little bit of zest for life is necessary.
A year ago I adopted a small mutt and named him Ollie. Ollie has been the most important thing to for me since he came in to my life. He makes me smile, calms down my anxiety and forces me to care for myself because if didn't, no one would be there to care for him. I worked hard to train Ollie to become a service dog to help me. However Ollie doesn't have the focus and correct temperament to be one. Because of this, he cant leave the house with me when I need to go places. This means I still have fear being out in the world and often experience anxiety, depression, dissociation, panic attacks, body memories and flashbacks.
After speaking with my therapist and psychiatrist I have decided that I medically need a service dogs. Animals brighten my life and the tasks that I can train my service dog to do for me will allow me to go back in to the world and make the difference I want to make. Being less anxious, more present and not on constant alert and guard, will let me resume my activism for other survivors, people of color and etc.
Please help me make this happen. Service dogs usually cost between 15,000 and 25,000 dollars and are not covered under health insurance. This price mark is completely out of the picture for me. I need your help. This dog will change my life. Please consider buying a shirt for you, a family member, a friend or whoever you think will enjoy it and also enjoy the fact that they are being a part of saving my life.
